My AWESOME college sistah MILLY

Happy Birthday Milly!!!! I want everyone to know how AWESOME Milly is to me. We met at UCSD and became inseparable in college. I don't think I would have survived college without her. We always joke around that I use to stalk her in class. She would sit at different places in the large lecture halls and I would always find her at the end of the class. We instantly became Besties. We spend all night talking to each other. We went everywhere together. She was so generous with me. I became part of her family. Her family would throw parties and I was always invited. I felt so loved by her and her family. She made me feel important and very very special.

Even though I don't see her often bc I don't live in San Diego anymore....we have this solid friendship that is everlasting. When I see her, we can pick up our friendship from where we left off. I love her so much!!!! She is one AWESOME and special person in my life.  

Awesome experiences are usually hidden in the Unknown

Red Rock Canyon, Nevada

Recently I have been hiking a lot. Hiking is the time I think and reflect. Today was the fourth time I've hiked in Whiting Ranch. Each time when I get to the top of Mustard Road, I look out towards the Saddleback Mountains and the city I have lived in for over 15 years...the word AMAZING pops into my mind. For years, I have never wanted to hike Whiting Ranch because I was scared. There was a mountain lion attack in the early 2000 that left me Fearful of hiking there. I feared of the mountain lions. I feared of getting hurt. I feared of the poison ivy. I feared of getting lost. I feared of hiking alone. I had so many fears!!!

I realized that all throughout my life I have let the fear of the unknown stopped me from experiencing life. In the last three years, I have learned to become fearless. It is very natural for us to be scared of the unknown and then disengage from it. But the unknown is really not that scary.

Here are some tips to help with fear:
1. look it up: never go by the saying "what you don't know won't hurt you" because it will! make the unknown known. I google everything. When you know what to expect, the unknown is no longer a mystery.
2. just do it: what's the worst thing that could happen (within reason of course).

In the last few years, the awesome things I have experienced:
Ocean kayaking and stand up paddle boarding, outriggering in the back bay, running a half marathon, zip lining, cave swimming, bouldering, hiking some amazing trials, finishing my masters degree and nurse practitioner program...not only I have let go of my fears of doing certain activities, I have also let go of the fear of being hurt. I have allowed myself to be open and vulnerable to people. I have been burnt plenty of times, but I realized that I'm not going to allow fear of being hurt get in my way of experiencing love and being true to myself.

Bottom line: Go out and experience life without fear. Don't let the fear of unknown stop you. Life could be even more AWESOME than you can possibly imagine.

My SUPER DUPER AWESOME prima

Words cannot describe how fortunate I am to have Alice in my life. She is AWESOME to the infinity. She has been my best friend for 33 years! Her friend described us as "peas in a pod". We always have the time of our lives. Laughter is always guaranteed when we are together. It's her Birthday tomorrow (11/19)!!! She is turning 24 ;)

10 Things I Love About Her:

1. Thoughtful: always putting other people's needs before her own.

2. Considerate: goes hand in hand with thoughtfulness, very considerate to other people's feelings.

3. Compassionate: she is a volunteer coordinator at Season's Hospice and the perfect volunteer matchmaker! She helps patients who are dying feel that their life existence is important and deserves dignity.

4. Empathetic: she has been given the special gift of emotions. She has this incredible power that enables her to share another person's feelings.

5. a great listener: people are always talking to her. She listens and gives great advice.

6. an ultra extrovert: she is always talking to strangers because she finds other people's lives interesting.

7. loves mankind: she believes everyone is important and never fails to acknowledge another person's presence. She is great at addressing people by their names (never failed to look at someone's name tag and using it to acknowledge them). Always made that person feel special. She believes the good in people (once she gave a homeless man money and a hug).

8. a thrill seeker: she has skydived, bungee jumped, loves loves roller coasters and haunted houses. Every year we would go to some sort of haunted house where I'm screaming my head off in her ears and she laughs.


9. a fantastic partner in crime: We can do anything and have a great time doing it. There's a thing that we do that makes us super happy: we would randomly look at each other, fling our heads back, and laugh uncontrollably.

10. she makes me happy: this happens on a daily basis. Every morning, I wake up to a Jaihoo and Aloha! (She started greeting me with a Jaihoo ever since we watched Slumdog Millionaire; can't remember the origin of Aloha, but it was either from when she went to Hawaii or it was bc we love this hawaiian bbq place that gave ridiculous large portions for their bbq meat combo)

Happy Birthday Alice. You are my super duper Awesome PRIMA!!!!

In Remembrance of my AWESOME MOM

Circa 1980

September 11th use to be a joyous day for our family. It was a day filled with love, laughter, lots of food, and loud karaoke singing. Friends, family, and even strangers would join us in our house to celebrate what a wonderful woman my mom is.  Unfortunately, six years ago, she passed away from cancer. 

The first few years of her passing was devastating for me, a part of me passed with her. I was lost. My mom has always been my compass. She guided me through life.  Days passed by and life became meaningless.  I quit my job as an Emergency Room Nurse because I couldn't imagine taking care of someone else when I can't even take care of myself.  I moved out of San Diego, a city that I had grown to love. My physical self was present, but my emotional and mental self was checked out. I was a walking, lifeless, empty shell. Months passed and each day I searched and searched for answers. I went to support groups and counseling sessions. I visited my mom's grave site often. I read books after books about grief. Six months later, I realized my mom wouldn't want me to be sad. 

I got a job as a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit nurse. It was tough because I had to learn a lot. I enjoyed taking care of patients, but I didn't find any personal satisfaction. I began to wonder what my purpose was in this world. It was one event that changed my perspective in my role as a nurse. It was about 5 years ago when I was taking care of a patient who was dying. Two consecutive days I watched over him and his family who were all at his bedside. When I looked at the family, I saw myself sitting in their place. I felt their sadness, their loss, their worries, their fear of the unknown, their struggle in reasoning with life and death, and their guilt... It was a moment of revelation: I've been there and I can help them! Although my mom's passing was a very sad event, but it taught me a lot about myself and about grieving. It was not by chance that I got a job in the ICU in which I am constantly faced with death and dying. I was placed there to help people and guide them through this. My mom has never left me. She is always with me. And now she has guided me in finding my purpose in life. 

My mom has taught me to be....

Generous: She has always been generous with people around her. On her only day off, she would cook all day for her friends, family, and strangers. Holidays were super special because my mom would make care packages out of food to give to people. She would help out the elderlies by taking them to places. My mom gave and gave and never expected anything in return. On a daily basis, I try to give generously whether it is my time, money, service, or love.  

A scholar: Even though she has never been to college and graduated with a GED, she has always fostered an educational upbringing. Growing up, my mom often told me that knowledge cannot be taken away, don't ever think it is a waste of time. She read books and would write articles to submit to the Chinese newspapers. I've learned from her to constantly seek knowledge. On my graduation day of receiving a Master Degree, my brother told me that mom would be so proud of you. 

Hopeful: During the time she was sick and knowing what I know about her prognosis, I was very honest with her. I never said directly to her that she was going to die, but my actions reflected it. She was somewhat hopeful in the beginning, but knowing what I know, I slowly wiped that hope away from her. Once her hope was gone, she began to die. I learned that there's nothing wrong with hope or being hopeful. We are not here to determine what people perceive as their destiny, but to guide them through it. 

Loving: My mom has the personality that can instantly like a person she meets. She makes friends everywhere she goes. She accepts people for who they are and highlights their qualities in the friendships she develops with them. I am still in the process of learning, but it has been working out pretty good for me so far. 

I can write on and on about my mom, but I will have to stop here. My mom is one AWESOME woman!

Why dogs are so AWESOME?

Have you ever wondered why dogs are so awesome? I have. I read this book called "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" by Esther Hick and it brought some insight on how our dogs represent "pure, positive energy" (Hicks, 2007 ). We love dogs because they love us for who we are and never asking us to change. The effection we give and the effection we receive in return from our dogs is more than one can ask for. They do not hold us responsible for their happiness. They live the life of of being content. They enjoy being with us and do not mind that we are not around. Their joy is internal and not determined by us. Can you name anyone in your life that has a personality of a dog? I sure can't because humans are far more complex and for some people, we don't know what being content means or what it represents. Can we learn to be as awesome as our little counterparts? Sure we can.

On sunday at church (Newsong), Pastor Dave spoke about hitting the "PAUSE" button. I think it's a great message about how sometimes we need to stop being busy and start really seeing the Awesome things that are happening around us. Pause does not mean that you become passive or stagnent, but it can be an active action to really SEE, LEARN, and ENJOY what you have been missing out on. Don't let life pass you by. My most positive memories of awesomeness were during the time when I did HIT PAUSE. Maybe we need more PAUSES in our lives....

Jin and Maxi

The picture of Jin and Maxi was taken last week when I was in PAUSE mode. The past three weeks have been emotionally and physically draining. MK and I went to Coronado doggy park and spent the day relaxing/sunbathing. We played fetch with the dogs and watched the dogs run freely in the water. Pure AWESOMENESS. All my worries were set aside, I felt CONTENT. 

Here are the other AWESOME dogs that I know:

Ali

Ali was my first dog. Passed away during college. The most awesome memory of Ali was during the time when I was crying over a break up. We had just come back from the doggy park when I received the call. While I was on the phone, he was busy chewing on his tasty bone treat. He heard me cry and he PAUSED. He looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and licked my feet. Through his eyes and the passionate act of licking me, I felt that he was trying to tell me "I can feel your pain, don't be sad master, I love you". For a dog to set aside a tasty treat and acknowledge that her master is sad...that's what I call love.

Mui Mui

Mui Mui is my brother's maltese. She's just adorable. I get really happy when I dress her up in doggy clothes. 

Take home message: Don't be afraid to PAUSE sometimes, you might be pleasantly surprised how REFRESHING it could be. 

My Awesome Uncle

Uncle Peter

This is one of my awesome uncles. I am closest to him because I know everything about him from his medical history to how his relationship is going with his girlfriend. I didn't always think he was awesome. For the longest time, I thought he was a pain in the butt and in fact even very selfish. It was about a year ago when I realized how awesome he really is. 

Background:

My uncle Peter was affected with Polio as a kid. Both his legs were affected by Polio, one more than the other. As a joke, we would joke about how his feet are shaped like little swans. His toes curled up like the swan's head and his balls of the feet look like the chest of the swan. Due to the anatomical difference of his feet and legs, his shoes would cause ulcers to form and he's been dealing with this chronic issue for about 10 years now. About six years ago, he was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia and takes medication for it. A recent discovery from an X-ray exam indicated that he also has a displaced hip on his good leg and needs hip replacement. 

Awesomeness:

Despite all his medical problems, he is the happiest person I know. If you google Happy As a Clam, that picture I posted above should show up. He keeps things simple. He does what the doctor says. He fills his time by helping my uncle Charlie (another awesome person) at the restaurant. He has a positive outlook on life. He is not afraid to die. 

My mom use to be his caretaker and after she passed away, I took the responsibility. When I first started  taking care of his medical issues, it was tough. My week was filled with doctor's appointments. It gradually became less. I was definitely feeling emotionally and physically drained from it and subconsciously became not very nice towards him. Then I read this book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I started to understand my uncle and our relationship. 

There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. I always thought my uncle expected me to do everything for him. For awhile, I thought he took me for granted and was a person that always takes and does not give. I would get upset at him when he would go shopping and fill the freezer with enough food to feed a whole army. Sometimes he would bring food from the restaurant that he thinks I would like, but bc I was constantly on some sort of lifestyle modification, I would not appreciate it. After reading the book, I realized that he was trying to speak the language of Gift Giving. He was trying to show me that he appreciates and loves me by giving me food. That is the only language he knows how to speak and capable of showing. Once I realized that, I started to feel loved and appreciated. 

My Uncle Peter has taught me to have patience not only to people with disability, but with everything in life. His positive outlook has rubbed off on me. Just when I think something is bad, I just remember his goofy smile and think "IT COULD BE A LOT WORSE". His MO is to keep things simple and I try to apply it. He also believes he can do anything (sometimes I wonder if he even thinks of himself as someone who is disabled). I also live my life believing that I can do anything, I just have to try. I love my uncle and I think he is just AWESOME. 

AWESOME-RAMA

Taken at Haleakala Mountain in Maui

My last blog posting was in December 2011. I stopped blogging because it was time consuming. I had to refocus and re-prioritize. A "reset" was a must. I have accomplished a lot since then and feel I'm at a good point to start blogging again. Plus the focus to my blog will not be primarily on fitness and healthy food, but on on the FUN part...the AWESOME things I encounter on a daily basis. I'm going to call it "AWESOME-RAMA". Future blogs will feature the AWESOME people in my life, people I meet, incredible things and sacred encounters that happen day to day, and just simple pleasures in life. We are surrounded by AWESOMENESS, it is unrecognized, and sadly unacknowledged. I am super excited about this new adventure of blogs I will be writing.  

Here's a youtube video of what we are missing out in our lives if we don't stop to SEE AWESOMENESS.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1g3Y2y89EU

Disclaimer: Awesomeness is purely a subjective opinion, you might not agree.